When the Extremely Stupid People Unionize

Also, an exclusive subscribers-only deal to join our SNL podcast!

One of the greatest forgotten sketches from season two of Saturday Night Live features Gilda Radner making a plea on behalf of the “extremely stupid” people of America:

“I want to talk to you on behalf of a God-given American right,” Radner says after pouring a glass of milk into her purse and saying things like “I’m so thirsty I could drink a horse.”

“Extremely stupid people are discriminated against all the time,” she continues. “For instance, I think Bambi is a fish.”

(The bit would be funny enough on its own, but when juxtaposed with Radner’s brilliant ad-lib after host Candice Bergen gets her name wrong in the sketch, it reaches greatness.)

Of course, in 1976, extremely stupid people were a regular part of our everyday lives. They were relatively harmless - because they were sequestered in their homes and offices and their contacts were limited to friends and family, their extreme stupidity was effectively quarantined.

But now, Radner’s prediction that they would one day form the “Right to Extreme Stupidity League” has come true. With social media, extremely stupid people can now find each other and infect each other with their mind-numbing stupidity. They have thus unionized and formed a powerful political bloc that has taken over American politics.

From vaccine denialism to QAnon-related conspiracy theories to defending Donald Trump’s criminal activities, extremely stupid people are finding solidarity within their moronic union. Take this gem from Sean Davis at The Federalist, posted on Twitter (or whatever it’s called now) after the criminal indictments against Donald Trump came down on Tuesday night:

This post, referring to the U.S. Department of Justice a “domestic terror organization,” and calling for America to be “dismantled in its entirety,” has been viewed almost a half a million times and has almost 7,000 “likes.” Presumably it was written after Davis poured a glass of milk into his shorts.

(I had to use a burner Twitter account to access Davis’ post, as many years ago he blocked me, because he is a gutless coward who can’t handle criticism.)

This brand of idiocy was once limited to kooks whose sole skill was to file folders in the company basement. Now, the internet allows the extremely stupid to find each other and build media empires based on rank imbecility. 

Not to be outdone, The Federalist’s John Daniel Davidson wrote a laughable column entitled “DOJ Indictment Of Trump Is A Declaration Of War Against American Voters,” in which he claims:

“President Joe Biden’s Justice Department took the unprecedented step of indicting former President Donald Trump — Biden’s chief rival in the upcoming 2024 election — for repeatedly expressing his opinion that the last election was stolen, rigged, and unfair.”

This is a common refrain from Trump’s army of the lobotomized - that the charges against Trump are somehow made-up because they are “unprecedented.” But they are only unprecedented because we have never had a president who has conspired to steal an election he lost. Presumably, they would not be complaining about the “unprecedented” nature of the charges against Joe Biden if he was arrested for running nude through a Supreme Court hearing. 

(If these ding-dongs got their wish and the “Biden Crime Family” were all sent to jail, it would be similarly “unprecedented” in American history - yet you never hear any such complaints from them about the uniqueness of the investigation.)

Nonetheless, Davidson goes on to make a constitutional defense of Trump’s statements that, once again, makes perfect sense to the extremely stupid. In claiming Trump has the First Amendment right to say he won the 2020 election, Davidson says:

“It’s an opinion millions of Americans share, and to which they are unquestionably entitled thanks to the First Amendment. That includes Trump, who has said repeatedly (and recently) that the 2020 election was stolen. He’ll probably keep saying it until his dying day, and he has every right to do so.

The idea that our Justice Department can indict someone, especially the sitting president’s main political rival, over speech that’s protected by the First Amendment is simply insane.”

Anyone who has a Sesame Street-level knowledge of U.S. government knows that while lies are protected speech, lies in service of theft or fraud are not - especially when that speech leads to theft from the American people.

For instance, suppose I tell a friend I have a million dollars. That speech is protected by the First Amendment, even though it may just be baseless bragging.

But suppose I tell a bank I have a million dollars, which allows them to give me a more favorable interest rate on a loan. That is then fraud, for which I can be held criminally liable. 

And if one reads the criminal indictment against Trump for his attempted theft of the 2020 election, his lies were part of a coordinated conspiracy to pressure Vice President Mike Pence to overturn the results of the election.

This, in fact, was the “declaration of war against the American voters,” not the attempt to hold Trump accountable for it. 

Fortunately, we have the First Amendment that allows people like Sean Davis and John Daniel Davidson to broadcast their extreme stupidity to the world. Sadly, new social media tools allow them to dupe their extremely stupid cohorts into believing their asininity.   

ALSO:

Have you noticed that the only male “movie stars” in Hollywood are now over 40 years old?

I wrote a piece on this for National Review (the print magazine), in which I offer some reasons why this might be:

For one, movies are now becoming a luxury item, and it is older people who have the cash to leave their homes and plop down $15 for a ticket to a single film. The Barbie phenomenon aside, younger people seem happy to binge streaming shows on their phones — why pay the same amount for one movie as it costs to subscribe to Netflix for a month?

So now the crowbar that movie studios use to pry people away from their televisions is familiarity. If people are forking over that much cash, they don’t want risk — and safety is found in familiar actors playing the same roles they’ve inhabited for decades. When they go to the theater, viewers now want more of a guarantee that they will be entertained, and Tom Cruise’s 40-year résumé is clearly evidence that he can deliver.

And, of course, that also affects the types of films Hollywood now cranks out, which, in turn, affects who gets hired to star in them. Superhero movies and other long-term blockbuster franchises not only provide familiarity; they provide job security for older actors as well as once-young actors who grow into old actors while playing the roles. Take soon-to-be-40-year-old Chris Hemsworth, who began playing the role of Thor at the age of 27. He and others in the Marvel universe have hogged those roles for almost 15 years, denying younger male actors their chance at mega-stardom.

Perhaps more important, Hollywood no longer makes comedies, which were always the breeding ground for young male talent. When Adam Sandler began making dopey comedies like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, he was in his mid 20s. Eddie Murphy was 21 years old when he starred in 48 Hrs. and 22 when he fronted Trading Places. More recently, teen comedies gave movie careers to Michael Cera and Jonah Hill, who are now 35 and 39, respectively.

But now Hollywood can no longer write funny movies, as studios aren’t willing to put up with the backlash from groups that end up being the butt of the joke. And movies also face competition from social media, where watching videos of drunk guys losing their pants and falling off a boat produce more laughs for free than a $20 million studio comedy.

Read the whole thing here (although it is behind a paywall. I know, I hate it, too.)

ALSO:

As I noted in my prior newsletter, I have started a new podcast that meticulously details the history of Saturday Night Live. We are about to record the Season Three episode, so be on the lookout for that.

But in the meantime, I have a special offer just for Anti-Knowledge subscribers. Follow THIS LINK HERE and you are entitled to 15% off a subscription to the podcast. We have had tons of people sign up to join the “Wasn’t That Special” family, and we would like you to be one of them. There are different levels of support, from monthly to annually to lifetime, and now you can join up at a discount.

Again, follow THIS LINK and join us (at a discount!) for what has been a fun ride so far.

FINALLY:

As I noted in my South by Southwest wrap-up, one of the best bands I saw there was Snooper, a Nashville-based punk band (whose show included a nine-foot tall mosquito mascot.)

Well, their latest album is now out, and it’s great. Here’s a live performance of the album’s last track: