Elon Musk’s Gross Baby Farm Is a Billionaire Sex Cult With Better Branding

There’s a fine line between “tech visionary” and “sex cult leader,” and Elon Musk just erased it quicker than he erases Twitter users making fun of him.

Thanks to a stunning Wall Street Journal exposé, we now know Musk isn’t just playing house with a few exes—he’s quietly running what amounts to a eugenic harem. Fourteen confirmed children, NDAs as thick as congressional budgets, surrogacy negotiations like venture deals, and a compound in Austin where the mothers of his “legion” of children are meant to live in coordinated, baby-bearing harmony. This isn’t a parenting strategy—it’s the NXIVM cult sponsored by Tesla.

Musk doesn’t want a family. He wants more human startup projects. In his creepy worldview, humanity is circling the toilet because not enough “smart” people are having kids, so naturally, he’s taken it upon himself to reseed the earth with his personal genome.

(Given his recent bungled attempt to reshape the federal government, which has been soaked with math errors and misinformation, there is no evidence Musk has a high intelligence - he is as much of a genius as Katy Perry is an astronaut.)

He doesn’t see himself as a father, he sees himself as a fertility angel investment fund. (Insert joke about “raising a seed round” here.) Women don’t date Elon Musk, they get recruited like unpaid interns for the apocalypse. And if they step out of line—ask for a lawyer, resist a gag order, or request the radical luxury of naming the father on a birth certificate—his fixer shows up like a mafia consigliere reminding them how “going the legal route always leads to a worse outcome.”

Ashley St. Clair found this out the hard way. A conservative social media influencer, she gave birth to Musk’s son, Romulus, and Musk responded by trying to buy her silence with $15 million and $100,000 a month—provided she agreed to never say his name in relation to the baby. You know, because it’s his privacy we should be concerned about, not the child whose father is seeking the private information of every American taxpayer.

And when she refused the NDA, guess what? Payments got slashed. First to $40K, then $20K. Because that’s how all the best dads show love—by financially blackmailing the mother of their child when she wants him to publicly acknowledge the baby exists.

Elon Musk calls his growing brood a “legion,” which is funny, because it’s exactly the kind of thing a delusional cult leader would say to justify his breeding program. There’s not even subtext here—it’s text. “To reach legion-level before the apocalypse,” he wrote, “we will need to use surrogates.”

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being interested in fertility rates and how they will affect our society, culture, and economy in the future. If we don’t make enough new people, a lot of America’s infrastructure will crumble and its economic engine will slow.

But that is entirely different than recruiting women for a personal breeding project. And it goes without saying that Musk is cheered on by many of the same people who would be horrified if, say, the wrong people (read: NBA players like Shawn Kemp) were having too many babies.

This is not normal. This is not quirky. This is a Waco reboot with better Wi-Fi.

And like any cult leader, Musk has his own compound. Not figuratively—a literal compound in Austin, where he tried to gather the women carrying his children under one roof. The only thing missing is matching jumpsuits and Nikes.

One of the women, Shivon Zilis, lives there now and is reportedly the high priestess of the whole operation, enjoying “special status” among the mothers. You know, in the way the first wife gets to sit closest to the Kool-Aid.

Grimes, another of Musk’s baby-mothers (and notoriously terrible Coachella DJ), says the court battle with him over their three kids bankrupted her. She also claimed Musk kept one of their children from her for five months.

But she still fares better than the women who didn’t get romantic with him, like the ones who just got a DM saying, “Hey, want to have my child?” That happened to crypto influencer Tiffany Fong, who turned him down and promptly saw her Musk-boosted social media earnings crash.

This is not a man trying to build a family. It’s a man trying to mass-produce a legacy. He’s obsessed with ensuring that the future is populated by mini-Musks—children engineered by IQ and curated like angel investments. Undoubtedly his new AI program, Grok, is busy cranking out content titled “Why You Should Let Me Knock You Up.”

And while all this is unfolding, Musk is also serving as the head of “Government Efficiency” for President Trump, eyeing up cuts at federal programs like Social Security and Medicaid. Because if there’s one thing more disgusting than weaponizing your wealth to silence the mothers of your children, it’s doing it while gutting aid for people raising kids the normal way.

This is where the Musk myth finally falls apart. He’s not Tony Stark. He’s not a misunderstood genius. He’s a manipulative tech cultist who treats women like satellites in his reproductive orbit, using money, power, and paranoia to keep them silent and compliant.

In what universe is this acceptable? When did we decide it was fine for a man with this much power to run a privatized sperm cult out of a gated community, to treat the women he impregnates like customer service reps, and to use his wealth to rewrite the basic rules of parenthood? How well-adjusted are his little band of clones going to be when they grow up and realize they aren’t the offspring of a loving dad, they are simply a science project?

If Elon Musk wants to build a better humanity, great—he can start by acting like a human being himself. But he doesn’t want to improve humanity. He wants to own it. And he’s doing it one NDA, one hush fund, and one silenced mother at a time.

This isn’t the future. It’s a fever dream powered by narcissism. For the love of God, women of America, please stop letting Musk fire his rockets at you.

ALSO:

Remember when the rapper C-Murder was found guilty of murder? This week, the drummer for the New Pornographers was charged with possessing child pornography.

FINALLY:

The debut album from Raleigh, North Carolina’s Teens in Trouble was recently released and it’s got all the great power pop hooks of a Weezer record. (Although the band seems to be primarily the product of Lizzie Killian, who suffuses it with a strong feminine vibe.)